In 20 Words, What Would You Do With This Bicycle? [From BA 42-300]

Best of Boneshaker What Would You Do With This Bike.jpg

"Sit firmly on the seat, grip the handles, begin pedaling, applying brakes occasionally; maintain it well, love it."

a Craigslist experiment conceived and executed by Mitch Schneider

A few months ago I acquired a sweet, ten-speed thrasher and decided to pass it onto the people. I created a posting on craigslist which read: Road Bike for Words. Please submit in exactly 20 words why you are the most-deserving candidate for my road bike, and what you plan to use it for.

I received the following responses in the first three days…pure, road poetry from the beautiful, bike people.

  • Moving from Oregon without cash for a car makes this bike an important component to my future success and happiness. Jordan H.

  • stripped naked like a chop shop and then put back together to wheel downtown and friends in need to borrow. its no haiku, but let me know Will B.

  • I done could like this bike to fetch stuff fer me and my wench to cook our vittles real good. O’Connell

  • I need a new bike to commute to class, something that’s fast and can help me lose my fat ass. That’s 20 words exactly dude, and I swear to god I did it on my first try without even counting…I think it’s a sign. Jon W.

  • I would sit firmly on the seat, grip the handles, begin pedaling, applying brakes occasionally; maintain it well, love it. Neal T.

  • Twenty words is hardly enough to explain how much commuting, cruising, and possibly crashing would happen if it were mine. David P.

  • To get me from point “A” to point “B,” naturally. Thank you for making this a challenge. Good evening. Michael P.

  • I will commute fifteen miles each day helping to save the environment, our fuel budget, and it gets me healthy. Rom M.

  • Biking, riding, traveling, transporting, commuting, moving, grooving, jumping, jiving, cruising, hauling, speeding, fun, work, school, streets, paths, trails, sidewalks. Jameson H.

  • It’s what I need, gas forcing me to concede. My vehicle must rest, but for my health, it’s the best. Wade K.

  • My car is lonely. She’s a ‘98, Korean, sport model. She’s seeking a like-minded female companion to share duties with. Stice

  • Help I am in need of a bike for Pops! Please help him escape loving but crazy menopausal wife. THANKS! Sam R.

  • My five-hundred dollar Schwinn World was stolen in Old Town and I had to hop a train to Loveland. Bryan L.

  • I will use this bike to commute to work and stores, being a visible reminder to the driving world’s blindness. Hope that works. Aaron W.

  • I don’t want to be a candidate for Vietnam or Watergate. Because all I want to do is…Bicycle, Bicycle, Bicycle! Dan L.

  • I would convert this bike to a fixed gear bike then learn how to perform track stands to impress friends. Bob B.

  • Riding down Mason heading to CSU like I’m Kevin Bacon, I better watch the tracks or I’ll bust my ass. David H.

  • Work, store, friends—too far to walk, too close to drive. I need a bike. Something from craigslist? I hope! Alan S.

  • Bike to work, they say. But with what? Bikes save gas, bike riding is fun. I wish I had one. Mark A.

  • I can best use this bike to ride to and from my appointments. These appointments are very important to me. Chris K.

  • Plan to use this bike for a PhD research project. Ride bike, stain underwear, determine best detergent, write dissertation. Bill B.

  • I will convert the bike to an electric motorcycle then a human-powered boat in a couple years. Taylor R.

  • I’m buying a bike to keep my car parked in the garage, to get into shape, and save some gas. Nick S.

  • I will ride that roadie all over town rather than pay four dollars for gas. Please sell it to me. Neuey

  • Oh sweet bike I will ride to work, planet saved. Oh sweet ride, take me to that place, speedy safe. Jenny B.

Evan P. Schneider